Where is he already? Why is it so hard? How often do we hear that from our friends? How often do we say that to ourselves? Charlotte bemoaned that to her soul sisters on “Sex in the City.”

We all want love and we all want to be loved. It is the single unifiable thing I have come to understand from my friends and everyone I see in my practice as a therapist and as a life coach.

Here’s the question,

Why should it be easy? A good loving relationship is the most important relationship of our lives; why wouldn’t it take a lot of work and patience and persistence on our part? We don’t start school and graduate with out a lot of work and effort.

What has to change is our expectation of this process. Yes it is a process. For some it’s more seamless (shout out to the valedictorians and honor roll students). Most of us do graduate and for all of us it was a process. We didn’t drop out the first time we got a poor grade or didn’t get into the college of our choice. Do you even remember the amount of times you had knots in your stomach over an exam or a paper in college. It’s a memory but it no longer affects you, right?

We can’t afford to drop out of the search for love. It’s not easy. It’s disappointing and tearful and vulnerable. We are constantly being tested; our boundaries, our desire, our patience; every button gets pushed. For some it does seem easier and it is. You may have to work harder at it. You just need to know it is work and dropping out is not an option if you want to graduate.